A flower for my girl
by YulianaHenderson
Summary: SPOILERS FOR BASICALLY ALL THE EPISODES BEFORE CHRISTMAS OR WHAT. "He was trembling all over his body. Tears were burning in his eyes and his heart was aching, reaching out for the thing that made it beat, that made it spring back to life whenever it was needed." Jisbon. One-shot. Rated T. Angsty, Romancy, Fluffy at times, Ridiculously as well but hey who am I to judge.


**A/N: So, if you haven't seen any of the spoilers for My Blue Heaven yet and don't want to know anything about that episode, it's probably best if you don't read this fic. I know, it hurts to say it but I just want to make sure that I don't spoil anything for the people who don't want to be spoiled. To be honest, I already spoiled things by saying the episode title, right? Ugh I suck.**

**Anyway, this is just a way for me to try and deal with the spoilers we've gotten so far (about Jane killing RJ and then going to South America and him and Lisbon not seeing each other for TWO FREAKING YEARS) because it's killing me, seriously. Ugh. I knew that I would regret watching this show one day.**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. Sadly. If anything was mine, I would make it a few weeks, not two years, lol.**

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'_**A flower for my girl' **_

He was trembling all over his body. Tears were burning in his eyes and his heart was aching, reaching out for the thing that made it beat, that made it spring back to life whenever it was needed. He looked at the lights burning in her new apartment. He saw movements from time to time but it didn't appear to be nearly enough to make him move or make him do just the thing he had come here to do.

_He had arrived at her old apartment's door with the thought that he would see her again, that he would be able to receive all of her scolding and bad words, all of her insults. But his heart had been crushed when a man he didn't recognize opened the door. It had been the last thing he had expected to happen. He hadn't even expected her to move on at all, because he would be in her heart for all eternity. In that moment, he had doubted everything he knew._

_But the man had merely frowned at him and was getting mildly angry._

"_What's your problem?"_

_Okay, he wasn't the kind of man he imagined her to be with but he supposed that if he made her happy, Jane had nothing left to do but accept it._

_He swallowed and mustered all of the courage he could find, drawing it from his toes. "Can I speak to Teresa, please?"_

_That's when the man realized what was going on and his anger dropped, being replaced by sympathy._

"_You must be Patrick Jane." When Jane nodded, the man sighed softly. "She moved away about a year ago. I met her, such a lovely woman but I saw that she was tormented. Murmured something about a man who had left but she knew it was for the best… or something like that. So it's you, huh?"_

_Jane had stopped listening as soon as the man had talked about her leaving and he felt himself panicking._

"_She left? Do you know where to?"_

"_Nah man, I dunno. Although… she said something about Washington. Not DC… but Washington. But then again, why would she have told me where she would be going, huh? She might as well be in DC now. Or any other city at the East Coast."_

_Jane didn't respond but turned away and ran to his car. He instantly picked up his phone and dialed the number of the only person he knew would answer this plea for help._

_Cho had told him that the last thing he'd heard about her was that she was a successful chief in a small police station somewhere in New York. That when Cho, being the last of the team to leave – and ultimately leaving her all on her own in a unit that had once been a place of familiarity, of warmth and friendship and loving people supporting each other – she had packed her things too and had travelled far away from California. She had told Cho she had a new job, that she was proud of it, and that was when she had stopped contacting him._

_New York it was. Jane had bought tickets for the very first flight to the East Coast._

Someone pushed the curtains away and he swore he could see her silhouette there, looking down at him. Had she seen him? Probably not. The curtains closed and that's when his legs decided to move.

He walked up the stairs, his heart still beating and aching. Before he knew it, he was standing in front of her front door, and he knocked without thinking about it.

She opened after the second time he knocked, and to be honest, she looked like a mess – but she was still beautiful, more beautiful than anyone alive right now. His heart ached even more, and his body actually hurt violently.

He raised his hand and showed her the flower he had been holding for a while now, the stalk already torn in half and sporting small hairline fractures where it would soon tear in half again.

He swallowed. "It's a… it's a peony," he explained, his voice low and his lower lip trembling. "It stands for shame."

She stared at him for a few seconds before she moved to shut the door. He put his foot in between the wall and the door and she reached out to push him away.

"I'm sorry, Lisbon," he admitted. "I'm so, so sorry."

"Jane, take back your foot so I can close the door."

"No."

"Jane-"

"Peonies also stand for good fortune and a happy marriage."

She glared at him, took the flower from him and threw it on the floor. "We don't have a marriage, Jane, so it doesn't make sense. It's just one of your stupid tricks to get me to cooperate in one of your crazy schemes. Guess what? I won't be participating anymore. Now go before you start something you know you can't finish."

"No, that's the thing, Lisbon. I _can_. I've spent all these months, these two years without you, I've spent them thinking about you all the time. My mind didn't have a break once, I even dreamed about you. I learned that I can't live without you. I… I have no words to describe what I'm feeling right now, Teresa. Without you… my heart stopped beating. I couldn't breathe. My life was a great big mess with people around me rushing to get things done but all I could ever think about was _you_… I've missed you so, so much. I can't explain how much."

And he cursed himself when his tears fell and stained his face, because he wanted to stay strong in this moment, show her that he was a different man now, that he could take all the pain and the heartache but the thing was – he couldn't. And he could never lie to her anymore, especially not in a moment like this. Not being able to look at her, talk to her, had melted his mask off slowly and painfully. There was nothing left of the old Patrick Jane. All that was left of him was a man who wanted to be with the woman standing in front of him, so badly, that he would rather die than give her up once more.

His lowered his head and frantically wiped away his tears. He looked up again.

"I love you so much… and it took me two long years to finally realize that," he managed to say between chokes. "I know I don't have a good reputation inside your heart… and that I messed up so many things between us. I know you have no sympathy for me left anymore because I killed him… but believe me when I say that I will do anything… _anything_… to make you trust me again. I will fight the rest of my life… to make it up to you."

She looked him over with a doubtful look that told him she wouldn't be letting him in any time soon. One eyebrow raised, her arms crossed against her chest and one of her foot in front of the other, her weight leaning on one side of her hips. Then she reached out and grabbed his arm, pulling him inside – yet afterwards he realized it was more like kicking him inside.

"Teresa-"

"Don't say anything now," she interrupted him. She sighed, hesitated, then walked into the kitchen to get something to drink. Without thought, he followed her and she gestured for him to sit down at the kitchen table. She didn't sit down, though, just crossed her arms again and resumed the same stance she had had when they were still standing at her front door.

"You know, the thing is Jane… you think that I don't care about you. That I stopped caring about you when you killed Red John like that. Do you remember how you were told to go to South America?"

He nodded. "There was a letter in my attic... and it told me to leave because I was in danger…"

She nodded too. "Who do you think that letter was from?"

He shrugged. He had wondered about that part for so long now. He had gotten headaches with the twists and turns his mind had to make to try and gather all of the information needed to complete that puzzle but he couldn't do it. His mind had been a mess the past two years. He just couldn't think rationally anymore.

She sat down in front of him and put a hand on his. But then she pulled it back again and he almost reached out to hold her hand, wanting to feel the warmth it radiated. "I wrote it, Jane. As an officer of the law, I knew how dangerous it was for you to stay in California, heck, stay in the US. I knew you would kill him, I've always known it. You made it pretty clear to me and I never thought you would let go of that thought until the man was laying stone-dead at your feet. The only thing I could do was, when you had in fact killed him, make it possible for you to live your life without his presence, have a normal life… find someone to love. Or at least somebody to understand you and make you feel better again. And you wouldn't be able to find someone like that in prison, let me tell you that. I just wanted you to be happy, okay? I… I didn't know that… that being in South America was going to make you so sad."

"It wasn't just being in South America that made me sad, dammit. I would have been 'sad' everywhere, because you weren't there."

"But why? I don't get it."

"What's not to get, Teresa? _I love you_. I'm _in love_ with you! Dammit, I love you so much, every fiber in my body is aflame with it!"

"You didn't actually show it-"

"Because I _couldn't_. He could take everybody from me, could kill them with his bare hands, but not you. Never you. Because you're the only one who means the world to me. Without you… I'm just a pathetic excuse for a man. Just a shell. I couldn't risk you. And when I had killed Red John… I thought you hated me, because you didn't come to see me."

"And I thought that you didn't want to see me anymore because you only kept me around to get Red John."

He shook his head and closed his eyes.

"We're both idiots," he whispered. He had expected her to giggle or at least show some sign of amusement, but when he looked up at her, he saw she was doubting everything now. He thought of her perfect face back at the beach, she had looked so happy then. He realized it would take him some time if not forever to get that smile back.

He reached into his jacket pocket and got out the object that had been burning in there for almost two years.

He put it on the kitchen table. He saw her staring at it, frowning. Then she regained her usual posture and got up.

"Let's have tea first, shall we?"

She was right. He could try to convince her to marry him for the rest of their lives – tea came first now. He couldn't believe he actually thought that.

Yet when she put the oh-so-familiar turquoise tea cup on the kitchen table, and her mug next to it, he lost the battle against his tears again.

This time, she was there to wipe his tears off his cheeks and kiss his sadness away.

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**A/N: I tried to keep them IC for as much as I could but I found the idea of playing with post-RJ Jane much too amusing... I genuinely don't think he'll be the same man ever again. And that's how this story created itself xD. Hope I did a good job with Lisbon, too. I don't want her to just swing her arms around his neck and kiss him senseless when they're reunited after those two years. God dammit, I really don't want her to do that. I don't even want her to do that in 6x07 after him leaving her at the beach and the explosion and just, ugh. I'm done with seeing Lisbon as that kind of character, who will _always_ forgive people who break her heart. Dammit, she's not a child and she's a reasonable woman, she's allowed to be freaking angry at him. **

**Anyway, please let me know what you thought! Your reviews are very much appreciated, they can make my day! (Seriously though, with all the Angst in my personal life atm, I need some reviews, pretty please)**


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